Posted by: Dahni | January 30, 2008

Becoming Your Own Parent

Our Mom and Dad are no longer with us, but there is hardly a day I do not think about them. Our parents like most parents, tried to do the best they could in raising us. They were not perfect and I’m sure if they were here today, they would agree that sometimes they were just clueless. Is anyone ever really ready to be a parent? Most rely on what they learned from their parents and some of that advice may not always be the best either. When you combine inexperience with sometimes bad advice and then you throw in these little foolish wildcats called kids, it’s damn near a recipe for disaster or at least, one hell of a ride!

The comic genius, Bill Cosby, did a whole series on kids and he pretty much nailed it in the following example. “Why did you do that (asking intently, trying to understand why the kid just did this crazy thing)?” The reply was always, “I don’t know.” Bill Cosby’s answer as to the reason for this was, “Brain Damage!” Even the Bible attests to this as “Foolishness being bound in the heart of a child.” Why else would I have stuck a screwdriver in a wall outlet? Why, because my whole makeup was foolish. I just had to see if the red hot burner was really hot too.

I think it all begins with curiosity being the nature of a child. That’s a good thing. But without guidance, we probably would all be dead before we hit 1 or two years of age. Kids are also like blank pieces of paper. There is a lot of room to write a lot of good stuff and a lot of bad stuff.

As we grow older, maybe we realize that our parents were not too keen on raising kids. Maybe they even screwed up some things rather badly. In essence, you have adults still bound with some or a lot of foolish notions from their own youth that they got from their foolish parents, and then they pass that on to their already foolish kids, and that would be us.

One day I might take a look at myself and think this or that is really messed up. Living in our world, it seems the thing to do is play the blame game. Our society just wants to throw money or some band-aid at the symptoms and never treat the cause. We of society want it fixed right now, and it is never, ever, never, ever my fault. Since it is not my fault, I must be owed whatever is due me. Is that right? Well, that’s about the most foolish thing I ever wrote, read or heard.

For myself, I don’t want to play the blame game and there is no winner anyway. If something is not right or is messed up about me, I cannot run home to Mom and Dad and get it fixed. If I am not happy with me, whose fault is that? Who is supposed to fix me? What am I going to do about it? If I am having less than desired results, then maybe, just maybe I am doing foolish things!

Maybe I don’t have any children running under foot or I have been a foolish father. Perhaps I’ve been a foolish husband and a foolish man. Maybe I need discipline, or patience. Shoot, maybe I need my butt spanked or even kicked out of the house. Now I cannot run home to Mommy and Daddy and I am not in the military. So if I am not happy with the consequences of the foolish things that I do, then I need to smack my own backside and kick myself out of the house. What’s love anyway if it’s not tough?

Kids are bound with foolishness. Parents I think in part are getting some payback for what they put their parents through. But mostly, it is to guide and direct these little foolhardy wildcats to keep them from getting killed. Well sure, some of it is so the kids will have it better than they did. Ultimately, it should be to deliver self-sufficient, responsible and unique lives into the world. This should be first, for the child’s personal betterment, then for the rest of us in the world and then finally, for the futures to come. I also think that parents and kids get together, just so Mom and Dad can be reminded of the little foolish kids they were. It is a lot easier to change something if you can see it.

If you don’t have parents or even if your parents did a lousy job with you, so what? There comes a day (and that day is Today), when you just have to become your own parent.

Just Imagine,

Dahni


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