Posted by: Dahni | March 3, 2008

Re-invent Part 3

Re-invent 3I am now on Day 3, of the new month, the New Year (a Leap Year), a new beginning and of, the reinvention of me.

So how’s it going? Thank you for asking. Here’s the real deal.

Yesterday I slept a lot especially for me and after having slept 12 hours straight from Saturday night around 7:00 pm – Sunday at around 7:00 am. I also ate a lot; I couldn’t stop eating stuff, mostly anything that was either full of sugar or a carbohydrate that would turn into sugar. It’s OK, this will pass, I’m in repair.

There were times while watching something on television that something would trigger something in mind and I would think about smoking. It did not last long. Instead of acting on it like I would have abnormally done, my choice was to do something else.

Note: We were not born with a cigarette in our mouth so smoking is therefore, abnormal.

Instead of acting on the thought to smoke, becoming increasingly distracted and missing part of the television program, I actually saw the show through to the finish without interruption! WOW, what a concept, viewing something from beginning to end without distraction or interruption! [smart-ass-ness implied and intended]

Despite the eating and sleeping, this was still overall, a good day. I did not smoke, I had no cravings, and I never applied ‘the patch’ as was my intention. Still, if I need to, I will use these, but honestly, most or all of my physical dependency for nicotine was over having made it through the first 24 hours.

I have also had coffee, also not my intention. I was not trying to tempt myself by allowing this trigger to have been pulled. I was merely trying to prevent a headache from caffeine withdrawal and to wean myself slowly until I could handle it again without smoking. I am doing fine. But strangely, coffee is beginning to taste differently to me. Instead of having to give it up, I may change by choice, to herbal teas if coffee keeps NOT tasting as it used to taste, not even 48 hours ago.

Today I also noticed that my Addict memory tried a new approach to re-introduce the possibility of smoking again. It was very subtle like having an internal conversation with your best friend.

Best Friend? No, my best friend is not a serial killer. Is smoking or was it ever my best friend? No! Did I need to befriend it like someone so horrible like a Freddie Kruger of Halloween, just to handle the terror? No. No, the point is not to miss something, but to get rid of something that is in the way of something I do want, like what? I don’t know, how about meeting and possibly making another real, best friend?

But anyway, the Addict memory says to me, – “Hey, Dahni, even though you are not feeling the need for or have the desire to smoke right now (which implies that I will; the need and desire is coming; will return etc), why not try just one to see what it would be like now?” Great idea? Not hardly. That would be like slamming a wooden stake into the heart of a blood sucking vampire and then? Then pull out the stake just to see what would happen? What would happen is, I would deserve to be bit, to die or become a blood sucking vampire if I pulled out that stake and the vampire came back to life.

I did not act on the suggestion. Instead, I countered with the memory of the last 15 cigarettes I smoked in a row and with the question, “Do you really want to feel like that again?” My answer was NO, HELL NO I DON’T!!

I’m in repair. I am reinventing me!

Just Imagine,

Dahni


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