Posted by: Dahni | March 4, 2008

Re-invent Part 4

Re-invent 4 I am now on Day 4, of the new month, the New Year (a Leap Year), a new beginning and of, the reinvention of me.

So how’s it going? Thank you for asking. Here’s the real deal.

Beautiful day, went to nearly 65 degrees, but just for the day. Weather liars say it will drop 30 degrees after midnight and another winter storm on its way. We’ll see about that.

I did get outside a bit. Experienced some grouchy ass me-ness. So am I sure that my wife Susan did as well.

I felt nervous at times. Sometimes this really bizarre feeling came over me. It is difficult to explain, but it was like a lust to smoke. I have no idea where this ugly 3-headed monster came from, but it makes me mad. Surely all traces of nicotine are no longer existent in my body now? This must mostly be coming from the mind and the mind sends the signals to the body and make it feel like something physical.

It is extremely odd for me desire to do something where my last expeience with smoking was in excess and so distasteful.

It is a mini-war of conscious effort to not smoke during the infrequent and as of yet, unpredictable times, duration and intensity of these ‘feelings’. The ‘feelings’ do pass in time however. I can only hope they diminish in intensity and completely disappear over time. No record as of yet. These blog entries are my records.

Just do something different or something else when they come. Get out of the association or trigger zones when these occur.

“…RESIST & he will flee…!”
-the Bible James 4:7

Interesting observation here about these ‘lust episodes’ or times associated with the desire or thought to smoke. It is as if there were two separate entities – good/bad, good/evil, yin/yang twins all vying for the dominance of me. It is a master/slave thing and I am in the middle or the observer watching and feeling the effects of this war. It is about control.

I’ll try this last day without the patch (nicotine patch), but if I need it, oh freaking well.

Looking ahead, my success in control over this aspect of my life, can lead to more. This is what this is all about, the leading towards or the road to MORE OUT of LIFE!

I’m in repair. I am reinventing me!

Just Imagine,

Dahni


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