Posted by: Dahni | March 6, 2008

Re-invent 6

I am now on Day 6, of the new month, the New Year (a Leap Year), a new beginning and of, the reinvention of me.

So how’s it going? Thank you for asking. Here’s the real deal.

It is very difficult to succumb to voice that calls out to smoke. Even more difficult is the feelings of guilt if you fall. Even more powerful is the desire for all of this to be hidden from yourself and those you love. I fight thoughts of failure and the feeling that you I am disappointed or have disappointed Susan. The air clears when you admit your struggles to yourself and to others. It all seems so simple and that what I am in process of doing (not stopping, but quitting), is no big deal. It is is a big deal! Perhaps it is an excuse or a reality that I am not as young or resilient as I once was. It does not matter what the truth of that is. It is what it is.

There are three parts here in this process: physical, mental and memory. The pysical removes the presence of nicotine from your bloodstream. The mental removes the triggers, the whys and wherefores of the addiction. The memory is tough. Everything that comes up reminds me of similar events from the past, how I felt and how I handled the situation (successfully or poorly), and associates the act of smoking. It is said that we do not forget. Perhaps this is true, but I know that there are many things I cannot readily recall. I believe this can be purposed. There are many things which come to us by way of information or experience which are just too much, too overwhelming or that we have no particular reason to want to recall this unnecessary stuff. New memory patterns must be grooved into our minds purposefully. They must be associated with new material we deem important to our lives. This too must be done on purpose.

Just keep, keeping on. It is a process. It takes time and effort. How much time and effort depends on perhaps a multitude of variables, unique and different to each individual, the situation and maybe even down to a mere moment.

I’m in repair. I am reinventing me!

Just Imagine,

Dahni


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