Posted by: Dahni | April 14, 2008

Understanding Politics & Corporations


    Here is a way to begin to grasp the various political organizations and other corporate structures. The following is NOT original. It was forwarded to me recently and I just made some minor changes. I thought it would be of some benefit to everyone.

 DEMOCRATIC PARTY  – You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty and try to make everyone else feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

 REPUBLICAN PARTY  – You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? They can work for and get their own cows.

 GREEN PARTY  – You have two cows under federal protection. Cows are under threat of becoming extinct. Owning cows is considered to be cruelty to animals. Your neighbors that own cows are or should be considered criminals.

 INDEPENDENT PARTY  – You have two goats. You could care less about cows.

 SOCIALIST PARTY –  You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell your neighbor how to manage their cow.

 COMMUNIST PARTY –  You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

 CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE  – You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

 BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE  – You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

 AMERICAN CORPORATION  – You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO (initial public offering), on the stock market with the 2nd cow. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. You move your one cow outside of  the US. Your stock goes up.

 FRENCH CORPORATION  – You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. 

 JAPANESE CORPORATION  – You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

 GERMAN CORPORATION –  You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

 ITALIAN CORPORATION  – You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

 RUSSIAN CORPORATION  – You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and think you have four cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and think you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over the two cows you really have. You have some more vodka and think life is good.

 TALIBAN CORPORATION –  You have all the cows in Afghanistan which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.

 CORPORATION of INDIA  – You do not own any cows. Cows are sacred. They pee and crap anywhere they want to. You avoid the smell and the mess, stay inside, and run the telemarketing services for the rest of the corporations.

 IRAQI CORPORATION –  You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

 POLISH CORPORATION  – You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.  

BELGIAN CORPORATION  – You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks it’s French, other times it thinks it’s Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION  – You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people that actually like the brown one best, accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of people from out-of-state tell you which one you think, is the best-looking cow.

 CALIFORNIA CORPORATION  – You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal immigrants. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

 UPPER PENNISULA, MI CORPORATION (Dah’ Yuppers) –  You should be, the only one that owns any cows. The cows keep you warm during the long winter. Anyone living near the Mackinaw Island Bridge are trolls and too stupid to own cows. All the rest in the entire world beyond the Mackinaw Island Bridge are, aliens and not entitled to own cows.

 HILLBILLY CORPORATION –  You don’t own any cows. Other folks own them. They made a law that states you can’t marry your cousins or your cows. You’re the reason for the law and a lot of dumb, strange and ugly people, living in the world today.

 COWBOY CORPORATION –  You own lots of cows. You rope them, ride ‘em, sleep with them, round them up and put their horns on your truck. You don’t mind so much if someone slaps your girlfriend or your wife. You even don’t get too upset if people spit on your dog or kick your rusty truck, but no one had better ever touch your cows!

 NEW YORK CORPORATION  – You might have once owned two cows, but you spent your money or other people’s money as ‘client #9.

    If there is any political organization or corporation that is offended by thinking you were left out, I did not intend to offend. I simply ran out of time and space.

    What a moo-ving experience. 🙂

 Just Imagine,



  1. High Dahni!

    Read your recent blogg comment to Laren Ridinger. Loved reading your blogg on political organizations and corporations. Owning MA UFOs, allows us all to better understand the differenxce between the gravity of Mad Cows vs, Flying Cows of the Future.

    I graduated from Penn State and RIT. Married a girl from Fairport. We arn’t together any more, however 3 of my 4 grown children still live in Rochester NY.

    G’Day Fellow MA Mate, Jim Mars a.k.a.,

    James L. Freimuth, Jr.

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