Posted by: Dahni | May 15, 2008

Man of La Moron-cha

© 05/15/08

 By Dahni

   The dandelion or as I call it, the ‘damn-delion appears as a cheerful and bright; friendly and colorful flower. It is synonymous with both spring and youth. I refer to this flower or weed as a single entity, for it is so, as I so believe.

    Beneath the surface of such a seemingly unending multitude of individuals, a more sinister, greatly evolved, vastly adaptive and highly intelligent creature, measures, monitors and controls its destiny, guarantees its survival and insures its own success. This it does with, mathematical exactness and scientific precision.

    This singularly controlled life form is capable of such dynamic function and spreads itself across the earth’s surface. But it is one entity with multiple and independent functions with a collective consciousness. For Star Trek fans, the Damn-Delion could be compared with the ‘Borg.’ It could be argued that the single brain Damn-Delion is, the real-life inspiration for the fictitious ‘Borg.’ There is only one other species of life on this planet that could be compared to its tenacity to adapt and prolify.  Those are cockroaches.

    Its appealing and benign appearance, blends itself to its surroundings, but its repugnant odor and bitter taste repels most other life forms. Perhaps it may be counted among the bitter herbs once eaten by the children of Israel, during their captivity in ancient Egypt?  🙂

   Those that have tried to live symbiotically with the Damn-Delion have tried to use its leaves in slads or soups or to make wine. But the inherent chemicals of the Damn-Delion ingested by the host, serve to further it being used as a carrier.

    The Damn-Delion does indeed both attract and repel. The repulsion mechanism within every stalk and stem and leaf; bud, blossom and root guarantees its survival. Its attraction insures its global reach.

    To spread itself, it depends upon carriers and the very chemical infusion of pungent odor and bitter taste, also contains psychotropic properties. Its inherent beauty deceives these carriers to approach its simple and innocent seeming character of golden, comforting yellow hues. Just a touch or a whiff of its scent transfers the chemicals into the bloodstream where it rapidly speeds towards the brain. There, it becomes permanently affixed to the memory of the host. It is here within the host brain that the Damn-Delion will send out electromagnetic signals as needed, and compel the host carrier to come and touch again. The host brain will most likely never smell its flower again, due to its nasty odor, but at this point it no longer matters to the Damn-Delion. It has now become forever entwined with the host/carrier.

    Then almost overnight and as if by magic, the Damn-Delion will transform itself from golden yellow into balls of white fluff. Exact clones of itself appear like seeds. They are held by a single piece of white, smoke-like; vapor-like; weightless, parachute-like material. Each is perfect and aerodynamically designed. It is then that its previously transplanted chemicals within the host brain, come into play once more.

    The carriers can be numerous and can be insects, birds and the wind, but its preference and its most effective carriers are little children. Even as many of these carriers become adults, some continue the process of spreading the Damn-Delion because of prolonged exposure, the concentrations of chemicals in their brains or their sensitivity to those chemicals.

The chief carriers

    The Dam-Delion simply sends out signals, like radar to the carrier. The carrier is impelled to respond as if it has no choice. It is as if the carrier is a robot or under some form of unconscious and hypnotic control, of the dastardly and dangerous, Damn-Delion.

    The carrier is deceived in thinking this plant of fluff and puff is something new and exciting, when it is in fact, the one and self-same Damn-Delion.

    The chemicals in the host brain of the carrier are once again activated and the carrier is compelled to approach.

   But then, something new occurs at the next possible moment. The carrier experiences a sudden uncontrollable desire to  round their lips and blow. As the seemingly innocent and fragile little white wings take flight, endorphins within the carrier are released and they experience unequalled euphoria! The memory of these feelings will cause the carrier to repeat this same action, time and time again and basically, whenever the opportunity to experience this faux-joy presents itself.

    The airborne wings float and flitter and land; attach themselves to any moving or non-moving thing. They stick to the wings of carrier birds and are carried off. They stick to insects and particularly the tiny hairs of bees and are carried off. These tiny seed-like messengers are also receivers and are communicated with directly, via the main entity of the Damn-Delion or Borg-like creature. Every placement is carefully planned as nothing is ever left to chance. The seed, in whatever position it lands, will instantly turn towards the ground and as if by a needle, will inject itself into the soil.

    Buried safely just beneath the surface, it will connect by a massive and pervasive root system to the entire organism.

    The Damn-Delion is parasiticic by nature and will feed off the nutrients of every single plant in close proximity. These stolen nutrients feed each piece and the whole of the Damn-Delion.

    As each piece grows, they disguise themselves to resemble the other pants they grow with, until all the other plants are choked out and destroyed. Its other purely evil nature is sometimes discovered by other adults and former youth carriers. But in truth, any misguided attempt to destroy the Damn-Delion is a planned response by the organism, for it cannot be destroyed. Like cockroaches, the Damn-Delion when threatened, will only spread and dominate the earth. The act of attempting to destroy the Damn-Delion will actually spread the organism.

    I, Dahni  [Don + key  Ho + tee],[1]the Man of La Moron-cha, took up my lance and prepared to battle the scourge of my neighborhood. I became single minded to defeat the evil Damn-Delion. To my own pain and utter failure, I came by these revelations and epiphanies, far too late.

    Having long ago left the underpinnings of my youth, I came to view the dandelion as a weed and then as the potent evil it really is. I took up my lance to rid it from the earth or if not my neighborhood, at least my own humble yard. This is as I so thought, but I was deceived. My otherwise perceived loathing was in truth, a planned alteration of my mind, by the very evil I sought to obliterate and to cast far off into obscurity. But the very chemicals once infused into me as a youth that made me its carrier, had mutated and I remain a carrier. I was chosen by the Damn-Delion to continue its relentless spreading, under the mistaken notion that I was removing it.

    After the long winter sleep as other plant life, the Damn-Delion would emerge each spring. At first there was but a few and then there were more than, the stars in the sky to be counted.

   I began with my trusted lance to cut them from my back yard. Again the chemicals within me changed. Even though my back would ache from bending over and cutting off their heads, I would continue. The front yard was not enough and so I moved to the back yard; then to my neighbors’ yards. The evil Damn-Delion and its potent, now altered chemicals in me, had turned me into a moron, with an obsessive compulsive disorder.

    When all the yellow was in abundance, my visage was red hot with anger. When the yellow was gone by my lance I rejoiced. But it was short-lived. Far too late did I discover its evil plan for me. It had begun to work perpetually within me. It devised another way to spread itself and by the very hands that sought to destroy it. As I would pluck one from the earth, no less than three more would almost instantly pop from the ground. Often it was within fifty feet of me. It would always wait until I was not looking. As I would move towards them then cut them out, again three more would take their place.

    Sensing my relentlessness and obsession, the Damn-Delion would adapt itself. If I would remove them all from the backyard, others would pop out of the front yard and always at the same time. For every one I would remove, always another three would take its place. Hour after hour, day after day and week after week this fruitless battle went goes on in vain. If I thought I had defeated them all in both the front and back yard, they would pop from a neighbor’s yard, the park or somewhere upon the planet and always three, to every one I removed.

     Stopping only long enough to eat, to sleep and recover from my often and continual sore and achingback, it would start again the following day. Overnight my efforts were brought to naught as the yellow or white puffs would have returned with a vengeance, in far greater quanity than I had removed. If I left any tiny piece, it would grow deeper and stronger. 

    I would mow them down and the potent life would hide in the grass clippings and come again. Poison would only anger the Damn-Delion and with cruelty, the yellow and white devils would appear somewhere upon the planet, if not in my yard. They would often disguise themselves as other flowers and plants. If I would mow more than once per week, the dastardly Damn-Delion would adapt to this as well. They would turn their stalks to purple and grow along the ground like vines, just below the grass. When they were long enough, they would instantly pop up at first light or even under cover of night. They would not be yellow and wait to turn white; they were already, the dreaded white balls of fluff and readied to be carried off and to spread. They open instantly out of sight and out of mind, awaiting wind or some other deceived carrier to spread them like Johnny Appleseed.

    The dreaded and feared dandelion are not many single plants, they are one. It is like a virus in that it consumes all other resources and then moves on. But all is never totally destroyed. It will allow some life to live. It will sleep and will come again every new spring. It is the Damn-Delion and I am its reluctant slave, the Man of La Moron-cha.


Just Imagine,



 [1]Adapted from the fictitious character, Don Quixote, the principal character of the musical, Man of La Mancha. It is based on the novel, The Adventures of Don Quixote, by Miguel the Cervantes y Saavedra. Man of La Mancha is a comic tragedy of mankind’s struggle to better both himself and the world in which he lives. In one scene, Don Quixote battles windmills thinking them to be giants. 

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