Posted by: Dahni | January 5, 2009

Your Ass Is Under Arrest

This is entirely original and ficticious. You really should read ‘The Pastor’s Ass’ from yesterday before you read this. This is a 2 Part Series. Today, 2 0f 2

Your Ass is Under Arrest

A dear sweet little elderly and former disgraced nun was walking along, on a midday stroll, in a park, near her home in the city. Suddenly, a mugger rushed towards her, knocked her down and stole her knapsack, running away into the nearby woods, but not before she had a full description of the attacker, fixed in her mind. The fall shook her up and her lip was bleeding slightly. A kind elderly man saw her laying on the sidewalk and her attacker running away, but he was of poor eyesight and could not be a witness of the event or the perpetrator’s identity. He could however, help the fallen woman.

After helping the woman to her feet he asked, “Are you alright, are you hurt, is there anything I can do for you?”

The lady said she would be alright, but asked if he would be kind enough to call the police. A young female jogger approached from behind and saw the woman’s bleeding lip and had heard her ask the man to call the police. She stopped running and said, “I have a cell phone and you can use it as I am a little too out of breath to talk on the phone.  I will be glad to wait with you until the police arrive.

The elderly lady thanked both the gentleman and this young woman then pressed 911 on the cell phone, requesting the police. The 911 operator could tell by the sound of her voice that this was a woman caller, most likely elderly and that she was clearly shaken up. The operator asked her no questions and said the police would arrive shortly. They would find her by tracking the call with GPS.

Soon the police arrived and they began to assess the situation and in asking the lady questions.

Can you tell us what was stolen; the contents of your knapsack?

Well that is an invasion of privacy and a cloaked attempt to discover my financial worth she answered.

OK, did you get a good look at your attacker?

Yes I saw this person, but isn’t everyone innocent until proven guilty?

Yes sister…

Sister, sister, I am quite sure we are not related!

OK then, Mam..

Mam, Mam, you meant to say Ms correct officer?

OK Ms, can you describe the person in question, let’s start with was this person male or female?

That’s sexual discrimination!

Race?

That would be racial discrimination!

Age?

Age discrimination!

What was this person wearing?

That would be economic discrimination!

Did this person speak to you?

Now officer, if I answer you, this would be an exposure of whether this person is physically, mentally or emotionally challenged and I’m not about to do that!

Look Ms, we are just trying to help you.

What? Do you think I am incapable of helping myself?

No, Ms we are trying to catch this person and arrest them for what they did to you.

Arrest them? Maybe they are just misunderstood, or they were mistreated or abused, did you ever consider that officer?

Look Ms, if you are unwilling to cooperate with us, why did you call the police?

Officer, I don’t like your tone! It is implies that you think I am old, senile, crazy, making this up, I’m on drugs, I am a liar or that maybe you think I just have the ‘hots’ for men in blue uniforms. That’s discrimination! All this harassment is all about my ass isn’t it?

The next sounds the lady heard was, “Put your hands behind your back,” the sound of handcuffs locking around her wrists and, “Your ass is under arrest!”

“Arrest, you are arresting me, for what, what are you charging me with?”

Asinine Political Correctness!

The moral of the story is being concerned about political correctness can bring you much grief and misery and maybe even shorten your life. We are all entitled to our opinions. Step up and speak out. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop worrying about the rights of every criminal or hurting someone’s feelings that mean to do you wrong. You’ll be a lot happier and live longer! I wish you a very healthy, happy and wonderful New Year. May your friends be true to you regardless of your sex, age, skin color, your size, shape, beauty; brains; brawn; bent in life; bravado or your bank book. May you; your family and friends be blessed and your laughter is often!

Just Imagine,

Dahni


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