Posted by: Dahni | August 15, 2010

You’ve Got Rude

by Dahni

© 2010

Since AOL (America Online) first introduced it and the 1998 movie with the same name popularized it, “You’ve Got Mail,” became the motto, for how we communicate today.

While technology has evolved, apparently, common courtesy has not.

Most e-mail servers now offer SPAM filtering. This can be automatic or often manual choices we can make as to what we do not want in our primary IN box. But just like junk mail deposited into the regular mail boxes of our homes and businesses, we still have to delete it. Spam like junk mail usually outnumbers the regular mail we receive. The difference between the two is primarily that we receive more spam than junk mail, it comes everyday instead of 5 or six days a week, it can come 24 hours a day and even though there is no paper to throw out, spam still takes up a lot of our time to sort through, before it is deleted.

Then of course, spam is not subject to the same rules as regular mail. A lot of spam, if sent through the regular mail would either be subject to the commission of some felon or it would at least have to be sent in a plain brown wrapper, to protect children and to let you know it is some form of adult content.

Even though we have e-mail notifiers on our computers, cell phones and other communication devices and even though we have spam filters, technology has not been able to completely meet our needs. If we are not going to take care of our own, then technology must take care of us.

Even though spam does not distinguish much of anything or anyone, it is all pretty much just unsolicited, un-asked for or unappreciated junk we do not want, need or think we deserve. But I will say this, spam senders are able to find us, whom they may have never met and may never know, when those we do know or send mail to, apparently cannot locate us or have not heard from us.

Spam needs to be filtered either automatically or manually by us and we preferably would rather it be done automatically. How should our mail be filtered?

Well, first of all, there is the MAIL Box. This is the stuff we receive from those we know, would like to get to know or it was sent to us by the recommendations of those we know or want to know.

Next is the SPAM Box. This is all the unsolicited, un-asked for and unappreciated stuff that shows up daily and often much, much more than our regular mailbox receives. This we either wait for about 30 days until it is automatically deleted by our mail servers or we must delete it manually. After all, the email server is not human and does not know us personally. It does not know what spam we might want or not want. It might have even accidentally marked the mail as spam that really isn’t.

Being curios, we have a tendency to open the spam, just to see what it is. But spam needs to be separated into other categories to help us sort through it all.

We need a CRAP Box. Crap contains all the stuff no one wants. If you are a male and not interested in females, you probably are not interested in female sexual enhancement products and services. If you are female and are not interested in males, you are probably not interested in male enhancement products and services. So, the crap filter must contain ‘crap’ that is not oriented towards our sex, personality, race, color, religious beliefs or lack thereof and etc. For example, crap in an atheist’s mail box would be anything about God. The crap box would also contain crap that has nothing to do with our particular culture, lifestyle, economic status and all the other stuff in our personal biographical information settings. The crap box also contains all the get-rich-quick schemes, messages  from some person pretending to be a someone in need of help or a representative of some deceased person that left a boat-load of cash and our help is needed in getting the money, promising us a hefty fee in return.

We also need an IGNORE Box. This would be a handy little feature that can both ‘receive’ and  ‘send.’ On the ‘receive’ side, this allows us to know that the mail we sent to someone was or is being ignored. If the mail we sent is or is not opened after a certain amount of time, we receive this automatic message which basically means that we are being ignored. These automatic messages could be carefully constructed so as to offer some logical reason (excuses) as to why we were ignored. These could read like the following:

The recipient’s mailbox is full
(only used if re-send is requested/suggested)
The recipient cannot respond to every message
(The recipient is too cool, too important and too busy to respond to you personally and who are you anyway?? Generally, this automatic message is the only one you will receive from the recipient, so you know you have been ignored, only in an automatic, impersonal,  and fictional-courteous way.)
The recipient’s server crashed
(only used if re-send is requested/suggested)
The recipient’s computer is malfunctioning
(only used if re-send is requested/suggested)
The recipient’s is away from e-mail access, out of town, out of country, on some deserted island, in a cave, on another planet, is dead and/or could not be reached.
Even though their mail was forwarded, they do not want you to know that. Please note: There is no possibility of knowing if or when these circumstances might change. This is very useful since it does not inspire confidence that you should try and re-send your mail at a later date, because you will probably be ignored then as well. This feature also protects the sender in not directly telling us that we are being ignored, as if they were actually concerned with not wanting to hurt your feelings.

Of course, the ‘send’ function of the IGNORE Box has the same type of built-in automatic messages as the ‘receive’ side. This protects us in not having to reply to e-mail and without actually notifying the recipient that we are ignoring them.

Next, we need a FLAME BOX. This mail should be separated into two sections. One is personal flame and the other is impersonal flame. The first would be from those you know and the 2nd is from those you do not. The Flame Box or “flaming” as it is called, are messages coherent or usually incoherent which contain insulting and derogatory words. They are often full of expletives or just foul-language. These messages are demeaning and full of vitriol (poison, porn, hatred, pis and vinegar). They are designed to reduce you to tears or to something far less than vermin and lower than dirt. These could come from someone you know or from those you do not. The ‘Impersonal Flame Box’ would really be a useful feature for blogs and on-line social media sites where comments are allowed.  The ‘Impersonal Flame Box’ usually contains messages from someone you do not know, but are somehow able to disguise their true identity and give fake e-mail addresses. For example, I received the following (edited) comment recently, on one of my blogs. It was purported to be from Henry Winkler, the same actor that made ‘Fonzie,’ or ‘The Fonz,’ a character from the television sitcom ‘Happy Days,’ a household word.

Even the mail server was legitimate – But there is no such account as hwink or hwinks But anyway, this is the sum and substance of the flaming comment I received.

“Holy F–k! You’re out of your f—ing mind. You must be living in the Matrix to actually believe this bullsh-t. Put down the moonshine and wait for your vision to straighten back out, then try typing.

Henry Winkler

Question: Is ‘hwinks’ code for “hoodwinks,” i.e. deceive, mess with etc?

Now if this was really from Henry Winkler (the Fonz’) which it was NOT, or if made by an anonymous person that it was, what is the point to this flaming comment? There is none! If you lack the courage to give your real name or if you vehemently disagree with something I have written, why even bother leaving such a comment in the first place? Why not communicate an alternative? If I am insane, why would it matter to me that this message was sent? Why, because this is typical of a lot of communication among people today. Instead of agreeing to disagree, instead of actually having a ‘conversation,’ instead of actually caring or trying to help, the low road is to tear down anyone and fight anything that dares to disagree with you or your beliefs.

By the way, I have never had “moonshine” and I do not know how to “type.” I hunt and peck. I hunt for the letters and peck them out maybe 35 words a minute. So this person is not only NOT who they pretend to be, they do NOT know me and they certainly do NOT care about offering me anything helpful.

Finally, the last box we need is the RUDE Box.

Depending on the amount of mail you send, this could be the largest box of all the mail you receive. It works just like sending regular mail with a return receipt. After a certain period of time, you are notified that mail was delivered.

It did not come back as undeliverable or that the address was incorrect.

It is not returned as spam unless it was spam sent in the first place by you.

And it is not returned as crap that no one wants unless it was sent as crap by you.

It is not mail that was ignored, because you were not notified by some automatic responder that the recipient was away from their desk, out of the office, out of town, on vacation, out of the country, on some remote island, in a cave, on another planet, they are just too cool, too important, and too busy to respond to you and who are you anyway?

It is not mail suggesting that their email server crashed, their mail box was full, they have computer problems or that they are dead.

It does not contain information like Thanks, but no thanks, please do not write again, you are insane, go away or just die.

It does not contain flame like, I hate your guts, stop sucking air, go die etc.

No, the RUDE Box just informs us that the recipient lacks common courtesy.

If the ‘rude’ is from celebrities, famous, professional or very important people, then they lack professional courtesy.

The RUDE Box does not distinguish people. The RUDE Box could be from anyone – family, friends, associates, or really, anyone.

But the RUDE BOX has two very important functions: It lets you know that the albeit honest and courteous mail you sent, is being rejected, because the recipient desires to personally be rude to you, because you are unimportant to them.

The RUDE Box especially informs you that the recipient is just rude, lacking common courtesy.

We read about people everyday that ‘go-off-the deep-end,’ bonkers or just plain nuts. Although each of us are responsible for our own actions, often some people just ‘lose it’ over something so simple as the lack of common courtesy.

The other function of the RUDE Box can help build one’s self-esteem. Well, kind-of help in a twisted sort of way. If you do get invited to say, some party and you cannot drop names of important people you know, perhaps you can just drop names of important people that are rude to you. Personally, I have a nice little growing list . My rude list (incomplete) contains such notables as:

Oprah Winfrey – Rush Limbaugh – Bill O’Reiley – Sean Hannity
Gene Simmons (of KISS) – Jewel – David Letterman – Jay Leno
Karl Rove – Glen Beck – Elizabeth Taylor
Many other famous and important people (local, state, national and International)
Many other professional businesses and organizations (local, state, national and International)
My own mayor of Rochester, NY (but he is, after all, too busy running for Lt. Governor of New York) – Bob Lonsberry of WHAM1180 – Beth and Rick of WHAM 1180 – WHAM 1180 – My own state senator, Joe Robach – A neighbor that happens to be a judge – Family – Friends and Associates

Why would I want to mention these names? Do I drop these names to make me feel better? Is it because they hurt my feelings and I am a revengeful sob, looking for some pay-back? Maybe I mention these names so you don’t write to them and if you do and don’t get a response, you won’t have to feel like –

“You’ve Got Rude?”

Now I know these people have my e-mail address, home phone number and mailing address, as I receive something from many of them a lot. I have tried to respond to them, but usually the e-mail is returned as “Do Not Reply.” It really wasn’t from the person it was sent from or to whom I tried to reply. When I call the number left on my caller ID, the person that called me cannot be contacted. It is only a taped broadcast message after all. The phone is just a bank of phones where basically they are telling us, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” IF I reply by regular or snail-mail, there is seldom ever a response.

For crying out loud, these people have staff and resources the ordinary person does not. There are such things as automatic responders, rubber stamps with signatures, digital signatures and form letters which can all be edited to fit the person and the situation. Do I and should I or you expect a response – absolutely. I don’t care how many millions of people write to them everyday. There is a way to answer everyone. If you or they are not going to respond, then do not make it available to contact you in the first place.

But I can usually make contact with someone representing someone or something, if I buy something or contribute to something they are interested in. But reply to my communications? Not too often. I just get a lot of RUDE.

Does this all seem way too complicated? Apparently, so is common courtesy.

There are no excuses anywhere, anyplace, anytime or from anyone, that excuses one from common courtesy!

If you don’t hear from people in a short time, perhaps you are being ignored or they are just being rude. Here is a concept, try sending them this –

“Hi, I haven’t heard from you in awhile. How are you?”

But, if you are not known for the value and the contributions you make to society, perhaps you can measure the effectiveness of your life, by the volume of numbers of people that are rude to you.

Then again, these several special mailboxes and this blog post would not be necessary, if there were such a thing as common courtesy.

What if there was only one box – a mailbox?

What if we received new messages or replies from those we send messages to  like–

“You’ve Got Mail!”

What if because of common courtesy, these messages do not contain spam, crap, ignore, flame or rude? What if we responded in a timely and courteous manner?

Just I-Magine,


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